How to Keep Kids Connected When a Parent is Away
When my husband first deployed, our daughters were too young to notice his absence. But this time, they’re old enough to feel it, even if they don’t fully understand what it means. With our eldest now almost three, the experience has been a completely different ball game. Watching them process their "Apa" being away has challenged us to find creative ways to stay connected and help them understand that he still loves and misses us, no matter how far away he is.
As a military family, deployments are a part of life — and they affect every member of the family differently. Over the years, we’ve learned how to navigate these long separations with routines, rituals, and open communication that keep us close even when we’re miles apart.
In this post, I’ll share our family’s step-by-step approach to preparing for a deployment and staying connected while a parent is away. Whether you’re a military family or facing time apart for other reasons, I hope these ideas inspire connection and ease for your family.
The Emotional Side of Deployment Preparation
Talking About Big Feelings
For our family, deployment preparation starts with open conversations. Even though our girls are still very young, we talk about their dad being away in a way they can understand. I remind them often that he loves and misses us just as much as we miss him, and that being sad sometimes is okay because it shows how much we love him.
Setting the Tone
I’ve learned that my own emotional response sets the tone for my daughters. While I’m honest about my sadness, I also focus on creating an atmosphere of love and reassurance. We talk about how deployments are part of Apa’s job and how his work allows us to spend precious time together during the day.
Involving Kids in the Process
Though they’re still too young to fully grasp the concept of time, we’ve found visual markers, like noting that “Apa will be home when the snow is gone,” help them picture when he’ll return. We also keep a daily list to show how time is passing, which they enjoy seeing grow.
Our 5-Step Deployment Preparation Process
1. Family Conversations & Emotional Readiness
“Deployment Talk” with the Kids: We start by explaining to them that Apa will be away for work and that even though it will feel like a long time, he loves us and is always thinking about us.
Using Visuals to Explain Time: By tying his return to a seasonal event, like the snow melting, we help them understand his absence in a concrete way.
Answering Big Questions: The hardest question they’ve asked is, “Why won’t Daddy come home?” It breaks my heart, but I remind them that this is part of his job and that we’re so lucky to spend our days together because of his work.
2. Building Family Rituals for Connection
Family Traditions Before Departure: Before a deployment, we make memories through big family trips and outdoor outings, like hikes and zoo visits. These are simple moments where we’re fully present and enjoying each other.
Personalized Keepsakes: Each of our daughters has an “Apa Bear” — a Build-A-Bear with his recorded voice. Every night, I tuck them in with a kiss from me and a hug from their Apa Bear. These small rituals mean the world to them.
3. Packing with Purpose
Apa’s Packing Process: While my husband handles his own packing, the girls love helping prepare care packages filled with their crafts, drawings, and notes to send him during the deployment.
Rotating Photos Around the House: I regularly update the photos of their dad displayed around the house so they can see his face and feel his presence.
4. Setting Routines & Structures at Home
Why Routines Are Key: I establish a steady routine early on because it helps the girls feel settled. Once we’re comfortable, we can enjoy flexibility, like taking road trips together.
Special Days and Outings: I’ve found that taking them out in nature reduces their stress and keeps us all grounded.
5. Creating Connection Tools
Messages from Apa: My husband records videos for the girls, sharing details about his day and reminding them how much he loves them.
Kid-Led Projects: The girls love making crafts and art to send to their dad. These projects keep them engaged and allow them to feel actively connected to him.
Tips for Staying Strong During Deployment
Take Care of Yourself: I try to maintain a home workout routine and prioritize sleep when I’m organized enough.
Lean on Your Community: Help is always available if you reach out, and I’ve learned there’s no shame in asking for support when needed.
Stay Connected as a Family: Regular communication, even if it’s just photos, videos, or short calls, makes a big difference for everyone.
Deployment isn’t easy, but it’s also an opportunity to grow closer as a family. With open communication, meaningful rituals, and tools for connection, we’ve learned to navigate this challenging season with love and resilience.
If you have your own tips for staying connected during deployment, I’d love to hear them! Comment below or connect with me on Instagram, where I share more about our military family life and parenting adventures.
