Military Life and Family Time
Finding Rhythm in an Ever-Changing World
Military life is a journey of constant adaptation. The challenges—long absences, sudden changes, and the demands of solo-parenting—can feel overwhelming, but the rewards are equally profound. As a military family, we’ve learned to value the time we have together and be intentional about how we spend it. This lifestyle isn’t always easy, but it’s taught us to focus on what truly matters: our family.
Solo-Parenting During Deployments & Absences
One of the hardest parts of military life is preparing for and managing the times when my husband is away. Before he leaves for a deployment or training, we make it a priority to spend meaningful time together as a family. Whether it’s a weekend getaway or a day filled with our favorite activities, these moments help us recharge and create memories to hold onto during the separation.
We also prepare our kids by talking to them about his departure well in advance. Even when they were very young, we would explain where he was going, when he’d leave, and how long he’d be away. These conversations, repeated often, help the kids feel more prepared and secure when the time comes.
While he’s gone, small routines keep him a part of our daily lives. Each of our children has a Build-a-Bear with a recording of their dad saying, “Goodnight, [child’s name], I love you.” Saying goodnight to their “Apa Bears” has become a comforting bedtime ritual that takes place even when he is home.
We also keep a running list of “Things to Tell Apa,” where we jot down funny stories, milestones, or moments the kids want to share. Adding photos to this list makes it even more special when we can look back together. Weekly video calls are another lifeline, giving the kids a chance to see their dad and share their lives in real time.
On the practical side, I’ve learned that having simple routines helps life at home run more smoothly. A daily rhythm—completing one load of laundry, tidying up the house, or involving the kids in small chores—keeps things manageable. These small, shared tasks not only teach the kids responsibility but also give us a sense of accomplishment as a team. They’re learning that when the house is clean and tidy and feeling good, we feel good.
Making the Most of Time Together
When my husband is home, we embrace every moment. Outdoor adventures are a favorite for all of us—whether it’s hiking, exploring new trails, or watching the girls ride their balance bikes. These shared experiences help us reconnect after time apart.
Communication is another cornerstone of our family life. We openly talk about how routines will shift when he’s away and find creative ways to stay connected. Sometimes, we’ll compare schedules to find little overlaps, like when he’s having breakfast and we’re getting ready for bed. These connections, however small, make the distance feel less daunting.
At home, my husband dives into every aspect of our daily life, from bedtime stories to imaginative play. His involvement is such an integral part of our family rhythm that even when he’s gone, we work hard to keep him included through conversations, photos, and shared rituals.
Balancing Structure with Flexibility
With young kids, routine is essential for stability. Our evenings are particularly sacred:
6:30 PM: Bath
7:00 PM: Pajamas, books, and lullabies
7:30 PM: Lights out
Once the kids are asleep, I take some time to reset the house, relax, and prepare for the next day.
That said, military life has taught us to be flexible. When plans disrupt our routine, I introduce the change to the kids early and talk about it often. This helps them feel excited and ready for something new.
Each deployment or absence brings new challenges as our children grow and their needs evolve. When our oldest was just 14 months old, she didn’t fully understand her dad’s absence. Now, at three years old, she’s much more aware, and this upcoming deployment will require new ways to help her process her emotions. It’s a learning curve for all of us, but it’s one we face together.
Cherishing Family Time and Embracing the Impermanence
Military life has profoundly shaped how I view time. It’s fleeting, precious, and worth prioritizing. Whether it’s doing a big craft project, sharing a quiet story before bed, or taking a family road trip, these moments together are the ones that matter most.
The small joys—like hearing my husband read bedtime stories, seeing our baby giggle during playtime, or enjoying a peaceful evening together—are what I treasure most. These simple moments remind me of what’s truly important: being together.
For our kids, I hope this lifestyle teaches them that love and connection remain strong, even across distances. By talking about their dad daily and weaving him into our conversations and routines, we ensure that he remains a central part of their lives, no matter where he is.
A Message for Other Military Families
To other military families navigating the ups and downs of deployments and long separations: give yourself grace. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. Focus on small, achievable steps—whether it’s completing one task, having one meaningful conversation, or taking a moment for yourself.
Talk openly with your kids about the challenges and changes. Let them express their feelings, even the tough ones, and meet those emotions with understanding. This teaches them resilience and the strength that comes from being part of a family.
Ultimately, it’s the little routines, the moments of connection, and the memories you create together that will carry you through. Military life isn’t easy, but it’s filled with opportunities to grow closer—and that’s something truly special.
